While we do expect a healthy batch of applicants, we don't want to take all of the fun away from you, the viewer. Therefore, as previously explained, 25 will accept nominations for candidates. E-mail us at mtkooi@twentyfive.net with the name of the person you wish to nominate, along with a brief description of why you think he or she is LUSA material. Remember, this is not something that should be taken lightly. We're talking about the Loser of the United States of America – the lowest office in the land. The de facto Loser of the Free World, even. Unlike of the presidency, just any ol' loser simply will not do.

We will, at the very least, post your nominations in the next edition (don't worry, the guilty will be protected through anonymity, if necessary). Those nominees for which a compelling case is made – either through eloquence or sheer volume – will be contacted by 25 staff and urged to join the race.

Come on. Don't be shy. In fact, just to get the ball rolling, 25 is proud to make the first nomination. We nominate: Bill Walton Television Basketball Analyst NBC

Reason:
Where to begin? Bill has traveled a long, strange road to the forefront of America's sporting consciousness. He began his career in the public spotlight as the most dominant player on the most dominant college basketball program of the late 1960s and early '70s. From there, he embarked on an injury-riddled NBA career in which, despite a championship season with the Portland Trail Blazers in 1977, he became more famous for being a crybaby to the officials than for anything else. He finished his career riding Larry Bird's coattails to a second championship with the Boston Celtics (to be fair, he did win the Sixth Man award that year). Of all of his battles in the paint, however, none presented as daunting a challenge as the speech impediment that dogged him late into his playing career. This, coupled with his bad luck with the injury bug, could have set up big Bill as a kind of tragic figure, deserving of our sympathy. But then Bill shocked the world by overcoming his shy stutter and has proceeded to show us, week in and week out, what a total fucking asshole and moron he can be. (One former teammate was quoted in Sports Illustrated as saying that he liked Bill a lot better when he couldn't talk.) His analysis, if it can be called such, on the NBA on NBC is often so preposterous that one can only conclude that it is developed and delivered to antagonize, rather than to enlighten. Bill is by most accounts a very decent person, something his considerable charity work bears out, but his naked on-camera pursuit of public notoriety makes him a model candidate for the office of Loser of the United States of America.